The Traditions of Giving & Taking

Well, I clearly haven’t been posting, due to so many reasons,  main one being I get lazy, I can’t help it. It’s been way over two years I’ve been married, I should change the name to “Life of an Expired Bride Series”. Lol, (gawd, I’m so funny) and as mentioned on my previous beauty related post, COVID-19 has really taken over, and I feel like it’s the apocalypse or something 😦 although, the lockdown has eased up so much, just feel like there’s gonna be another second wave.

I would have given it up, but a lot of people really enjoy reading my series, some just like to nose and read about my life and experiences, and I think a fair few have actually found it useful.

So let’s start again, shall we?

My previous post, I was talking about the preparations of my wedding, the main things, like my outfit, jewellery, shoes, and all of that stuff which plays a huge role in a brides life. They grow up dreaming about what dresses they’ll have, what jewellery they would pick, which MUA they’d like to go with. I was never one to dream about dresses or obsess over jewellery, I was more into dreaming about potato and becoming one, cause ya know, I look like a round potato these days.

This post is more about the traditions my culture and religion has, as you know I’m Bengali, as we Bengali’s have a few wild traditions, however it’s not just Bengalis, I do genuinely think it is mostly the South-Asian culture. It was stressful. The bride’s family has the responsibility of giving more than the groom sides, in my opinion. Any men reading this may disagree. But for real, in my eyes, the men are just taking, we are the ones leaving our family, friends, job, our whole damn life to live with the guy 😦

It is tradition for the bride’s side of the family to give the groom’s side furniture, be it bedroom furniture, living room furniture, dining room furniture, kitchen appliances, I’m sure you get the drift. There’s no real reason for why a girls family gives these things, I think back in the days the grooms side would demand these things, so not it’s just become a tradition to gift them, the grooms side is taking home the girl, that’s a big enough thing anyway. (I’m not bitter about this subject at all 😛 )

Alhamdulilah (praise be to god), my in-laws are not backwards with that mentality, and didn’t want anything at all, but my dad really insisted, and at the very least wanted me to have bedroom furniture.

My parents gave me a fair few of things, so it’s just easier to write a list, if any newbie bride needs this for future reference. There’s also a lot of things my family wanted to give but were not able because my in-laws really didn’t want anything.

So, here’s the list:

Bed

Mattress

Wardrobe

Chest of Drawers

Bedside Table

Dressing Table & Chair

Pillows & Duvet

Bedding & Duvet covers

Dining Table & Chairs

Kettle, Toaster & Microwave

Tea, Sugar & Coffee Pots

Cooking Pots & Pans

Cooking Utensils

Cutlery Set

Dining Set & Tableware

Glasses – standard glasses and champagne flutes (they look nice, not for anything else)

Pandaan (you know the gwah and paan taal)

That’s what I can think of from the top of my head, for the Groom they gave separate other things, for him to wear on the wedding and the Fira Zatra (which will be explained in more detail on later posts), and as gifts in hamper baskets.

Nowadays, decorating and giving a hamper full of gifts and tokens is such a big thing in this day and age, it makes it look presentable, nice and shows the effort each side has put in, I remember 15 years back everything was just shoved in a massive ugly suitcase and hauled over to either the bride or grooms house, which just looked hideous, oh how times have really changed. 😉

No lie, I did get an ugly purple suitcase too 😛

Here is a list of things that my side and I had gifted to my husband:

– Hugo Boss Suit, Shirt & Tie

-Christian Louboutin Shoes

-Watch

-Socks

-Boxers

-Perfume

-Wallet

-Cufflinks

-Tie Clip

-Hugo Boss Belt

-Toiletries, Hair Gel, Shower Gel etc

-Towels

-Hoodie

-Nikkah Thobe

-Mehndi Outfit

-Islamic books

It was hard finding inspiration for hampers on gifting men that didn’t involve alcohol hampers *smh*. So this was also another reason why I wanted to do my blogs, to help us muslamic people to find things that are halal. Although, it has been over two years, so I’m sure you can find better things now on Pinterest for inspo. Besides, there’s some people out there that go in hard, like they give a rolling pin, and stuff like a bodna, (if you’re Bengali you know what I’m on about) it’s like jeez relax man.

My in-laws and husband spoiled me with so much stuff, I was so surprised with everything they got and did for me, they really went all out and spoilt me, alhamdulillah. 🙂

In our culture, the grooms side pays for the wedding dress, but we have to give a bundle or sarrees as well known as “Number 1, 2, 3…50” You get the drift, and they also give other little bits and bobs too. My favourite one would have to be the way they gave me my wedding jewellery and my big up to my sister in law for my Harry Potter hamper, you a real G. It’s also tradition for brides to be gifted a wad of gold, Indian gold is so blergh, but it’s a tradition, so we gotta just go along with it, I chose a simple long chain and some gold bangles.

Here’s a list of the things they gave me, so if you’re looking for inpso you can use this.

-Wedding Dress (known as outfit number 1)

-Wedding Jewellery, Includes, bangles, hand chains, anklets, earrings, necklaces, nose-ring and a headpiece.

-Wedding Shoes (I’ll be wearing the Louboutins gifted to me by my siblings)

-Clutch bag

-Gold

-Nikkah Saree, with matching petticoat (known as outfit number 2)

-Nikkah bangles, jewellery, shoes and matching clutch bag

-Saree to wear on the day after, with a matching petticoat(known as outfit number 3)

-Saree for my Fira Zatra with matching petticoat (outfit number 4, this will have a seperate blog post)

-Matching shoes, bangles, jewellery and clutch bag

-Slippers, PJs, Hairbrush, Notebook, Phone case (little bits and bobs)

-Makeup; foundation, lipstick, highlighter

-Hair straightener

-Morphe makeup brush set

-Towels

-Perfume

-Rainbow Quran

-Abaya

-Harry Potter goodies, customised t-shirt, clutch bag, socks, key rings 🙂

It’s also a tradition to gift clothes to “immediate” family member, from bride to groom, and groom to bride. It’s also tradition for us to gift close family members that attend the wedding clothes too, such as sarees and dresses to the women. I say close, but it’s practically every single women who attends the wedding. It’s known as “bebari” and it gets expensive, but hey, it’s a tradition, like everything else.

 

 

 

I was grateful for everything I received, and they way it was presented, and also was able to give back. As I mentioned, it can get pricey, but that’s what weddings are, expensive. But it’s a once in a lifetime experience, and you should make the most of it. I hope you enjoyed reading this post, the next blog will be about my bridesmaid, so stay tuned 🙂

Be sure to follow my Instagram: @iMonafWonders for product reviews and other posts

xoxo