Friends or Frenemy?

So it’s been such a long time since I actually blogged. But I do have a valid reason, I came down with a severe chest infection, not once but twice. Cause the winter loves me so much… *sarcasm*
So what I would like to actually talk about is friends, I’ve been close to so many people in my 23 years, but only now am I close to a handful of people. People who get me, understand me, people that won’t throw a bitch fit or get offended when I say something. I can be me.

In my whole life time, I genuinely felt like I don’t fit in anywhere, till this day, I still feel like I don’t fit it, I’m still trying to find myself and discover who I really am and what I really want out of my life. I always managed to mask how I truly felt, everyone around me, mostly my family think I’m this person that’s so confident, loud and bubbly. But that’s not who I really am, that’s a front I put on to cover up the fact that I feel like I don’t fit in anywhere. I’m a really awkward and anxious person. My anxiety gets the better of me and makes me extremely nervous when it comes to meeting new people and socialising with them. When it comes to me attending places that I have to attend I get major anxiety. I get so nervous I blabber and talk too much and that gives off the impression that I’m a loud person.

Throughout school, college, work, even now I felt like I didn’t fit in, or that I could be my true self around them. And that was really hard for me. Being at a western school where there was only a handful of diverse kids it was hard to try and fit in, Primary school was not as brutal as high school. In my first two years of high school I had my fair share of racial abuse, I had friends but there was particular kids that would make me aware of the fact that I had a different skin tone and different religious beliefs. One kid even took off my hijab whilst walking past me and that made me not wear a hijab.

I was the type of person that would say hi and be friendly to everyone, I did get along with most kids at school but it got to year ten where I realised who my true friends where and it was not even a handful. I’ve only stayed closed to two of those friends till this date.

During college I had some good friends but they only lasted that time of me being at college as everyone went their different ways for university or work which is kind of sad that we didn’t stay in touch as they were nice to me and made me fit in.

After college, and to this present time, I’ve encountered many friends, however this is where the question of Friends or Frenemy comes in. I was at a good place after college, I met a lot of people, went to university and had a job. If you’ve read my previous post Dark Days, it mentions how my life turned upside down as I lost my brother. And in those times of needs I needed real friends, only a few stuck by me, the others were just curious as to what happened in my life and why I was quite low but they weren’t really there. They didn’t check up on me and they left when it came to quite a low point of my life telling me to suck it up and not be so down etc.

It’s been many years, but I can honestly say only two of my friends from school have stuck by that have checked up on me, made sure I was ok, and have always been there for me. And I don’t need to mention names they truly know who they are. We all have such a busy life but we don’t hold that against one another as to why we don’t see each other often. We have nothing but mad love when we meet, we catch up and give one another advice as to what’s going on and how to go about it.

I’ve a few other true friends, one who is particularly like my soul sister, mad love for the Harry Potter universe and literally gets me which is so weird. We think way too alike and we keep it real. I think we was meant to be actual sisters but I knew that neither of our parents wouldn’t have been able to handle us being in one house so that’s why god allowed us to meet later on in life.
Another friend, is literally my soul mate, who came into my life a little later after I lost my brother and helped me overcome my fight for depression and to this date they are extremely supportive and stuck by me. They believe in me and have always stood by my side with whatever decision I make. They don’t just listen, but they tell me what I’m doing wrong and what I’m doing right. We have a relationship based on honesty.
Not just friends, that I’ve met in my life I also have family that are bound by blood, that are friends to me too. Like my sisters, cousins, they too, know who they are so I don’t need to name them.
So I’d like to thank my true friends for who they really are. For being honest, for loving me, for caring for me and for giving me the advice I needed.
Be sure to catch my next blog, I’d love to hear any new ideas on what I could post to make my blog exciting and interesting.
Follow me on Instagram @imonafwonders 🍁

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